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Writer's picturePG Devlim

What Horror Means to Me

(The below entry was my submission to this years #31DaysofHaunting run by the fantastic @SamanthaSLK1 on X)




The first time I undertook a death bed meditation I was terrified. It was a shock to my outlook on life that woke me up by forcing me to see the end and to reflect on my life.


The meditation is simple: you picture yourself lying on your death bed, your body is old and cold, your muscles have evaporated leaving only withered skin that clings forlornly to your aching bones. Shallow breaths loosen the chains that bind you to your body and fatigue sets in. You are surrounded by loved ones, but they are hazy ghost-like apparitions of a dream of a life once lived. And here is the crux, you take this chance to see your end, to experience it as directly as you can and from this vantage point, you reflect on your successes and failures and the dreams you left unfulfilled. In the life that has just gone before you, did you follow your heart? Achieve your dreams? Or have you stalled, failed and lived a lie of a life, one that you didn’t really want?


On your actual death bed it will be too late to change anything; everything fades to grey and then you are gone, but in this death-bed meditation you can get up again, you can make amends, start anew, and, if you wish, completely change the direction of your life. Or it may confirm that you are where you want to be: content with everything and everyone, if so, perfect! If not, the death meditation is a really powerful motivational technique, because you really are going to die.


Horror challenges us to face our weaknesses, our desires, our shadows. It brings out the best, or worst, in us, as only the darkness can. I have undertaken this death meditation many times and it has fired me up to undertake a 40 day spiritual retreat into the wilderness, to write my books, and, to the best of my ability to fulfil my dreams of a great life (still a work in progress).


We need shocks like the death-bed meditation in our life, even if we don’t want them. They wake us up and force us to confront the mechanical living that dominates our days. They smash the accepted boundaries of our experiences, of our habits and reactions, and challenge us to rebirth ourselves into the person we truly desire to be.


The first time I read about the death-bed meditation I was horrified and yet I was still drawn to it. Horror does that doesn’t it? To some of us, it is magnetic. We want to know what horrors lurk in the darkness. And when we do venture into that forbidden territory we often find it far more rewarding than we could ever imagine.


Happy meditating.


PG Devlim


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